Before Motherhood.... Let’s see where can I start? I will go back to the month of August, the year 2000. That summer was and forever will be unforgettable. I was really enjoying being single and without any sort of commitment. My best friend Jesenia and I were meeting new friends and going to different party’s almost every weekend. I had absolutely no intention of dating let alone attaching myself to any sort of strings. That summer was reckless fun, adventure, long endless weekends and party’s.
Towards the end of August, my best friend and I were invited to a small wedding located in a very small town with the population being like 100, “Ok, maybe I am exaggerating but seriously the town is very small”. Who would have thought that I would meet my soul mate that very night? So there I was sitting down with my best friend when I eye balled this handsome man staring at me from across the room. It wasn’t long before he asked me to dance and immediately asked me for my number. It was love at first sight. After that night we have been inseparable. To this day my best friend and I reminisce on the old days and on all the bad things we did as adolescents. She reminds me of how against I was on marriage and having children. I used to tell her that I didn’t want children and that I wouldn’t get married until after 30.
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| Me & Jesenia |
Towards the end of August, my best friend and I were invited to a small wedding located in a very small town with the population being like 100, “Ok, maybe I am exaggerating but seriously the town is very small”. Who would have thought that I would meet my soul mate that very night? So there I was sitting down with my best friend when I eye balled this handsome man staring at me from across the room. It wasn’t long before he asked me to dance and immediately asked me for my number. It was love at first sight. After that night we have been inseparable. To this day my best friend and I reminisce on the old days and on all the bad things we did as adolescents. She reminds me of how against I was on marriage and having children. I used to tell her that I didn’t want children and that I wouldn’t get married until after 30.
I had a small civil marriage on November of 2003 but had my dream wedding on September 2005. During the years of 2003 through 2005, I had married the love of my life; Oscar Sanchez & I was juggling, my marriage, college and life. My husband and I jumped into the American dream the same year we had our dream wedding by purchasing a small 3 bedroom home. Life was great, I was totally into myself and my marriage. I was attending college and getting an education (studying law), completely focused on my future goals and I was nonstop able. I came and went when I pleased and both my husband and I were doing very well for being young newlyweds.
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| Our Wedding Day |
Shortly after our big wedding, my husband and I had a huge argument, one that could have potentially ended our marriage. The subject: children. The problem: he wanted them and I didn’t. We argued about the subject almost during the entire year. I have to say that looking back I was very selfish and was only thinking about myself. Everything was about me. I wanted to still have fun & party, I didn’t want the responsibility, I wanted to continue my schooling, I wasn’t ready, I, I, I….. I was doing everything in my power to avoid “the subject”.
After all the arguing the lasted almost an entire year, the more I thought about becoming a mom the less reluctant I became. In November 2006, I somehow lost my birth control pills and did absolutely nothing to replace them. I did blame my husband and still accuse him to this day of either hiding them or throwing them away. But point in matter is that I didn’t replace them or even stress about no longer being under birth control.
And….exactly one month later, I became pregnant. My reaction to the news was a little overwhelming, although deeply inside I did feel my biological clock ticking; I was overwhelmed with feeling scared. I confessed to my husband that the reason I had been so against having children it was due to my insecurities of becoming a mother. The thought terrified me. The life change and responsibility scared me to death. I wasn’t sure what kind of mother I would be or if I would be able to handle motherhood.
On September 15, 2007, my son Damian was born. From the moment I saw him I felt a love that I had never felt before. It is an unconditional love. My fear had completely disappeared and my mommy instincts took over.
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| Baby Damian |
Being a mom has been the most rewarding job, responsibility and joy that I have ever had. I never imagined how much my life would change for the good. Damian is my everything. I wake up to see his little face smiling at me; he wraps his arms around me with a smile. He lands a huge kiss on my cheek and he totally makes my day. It’s the best feeling in the world to have a little person love you and depend on you so much… (Getting teary)
Although years ago I was hesitant in becoming a mom, I wouldn’t recommend anything but to anyone who has felt the same insecurities as I did once.
Currently, I am expecting my second child. Another boy! My husband and I are just getting started…..
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| My Family |
